Charles Addams # 14

"I suppose I owe you a word of explanation. Less than ten seconds ago I was dropping a coin in a wishing well up in North Wilbraham Massachusetts."

Charles Addams # 13

Fables For Our Times # 4

The Courtship of Arthur and Al

James Thurber, from Fables for Our Time. New York, 1940

Once upon a time there was a young beaver named Al and an older beaver named Arthur. They were both in love with a pretty little female. She looked with disfavor upon the young beaver's suit because he was a harum-scarum and a ne'er-do-well. He had never done a single gnaw of work in his life, for he preferred to eat and sleep and to swim lazily in the streams and to play Now-I'll-Chase-You with the girls. The older beaver had never done anything but work from the time he got his first teeth. He had never played anything with anybody. When the young beaver asked the female to marry him, she said she wouldn't think of it unless he amounted to something. She reminded him that Arthur had built thirty-two dams and was working on three others, whereas he, Al, had never even made a bread-board or a pin tray in his life. Al was very sorry, but he said he would never go to work just because a woman wanted him to. Thereupon she offered to be sister to him, but he pointed out that he already had seventeen sisters. So he went back to eating and sleeping and swimming in the streams and playing Spider-in-the-Parlor with the girls. The female married Arthur one day at the lunch hour — he could never get away from work for more than one hour at a time. They had seven children and Arthur worked so hard supporting them he wore his teeth down to the gum line. His health broke in two before long and he died without ever having had a vacation in his life. The young beaver continued to eat and sleep and swim in the streams and play Unbutton-Your-Shoe with the girls. He never Got Anywhere, but he had a long life and a Wonderful Time.

Moral: It is better to have loafed and lost than never to have loafed at all.

The King of the One-Liners

Rufus T. Firefy's irrepressible patter of put-downs:
"You can leave in a taxi. If you can't find a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute-and-a-huff!"

What Time Is It?

A classic Goons sketch!

James Thurber Cartoon # 6

The Surrealist Alphabet

Every child learns the alphabet when growing up. I learned two.

The Alphabet	(Translation)
A for 'orses	(hay for horses)
B for mutton	(beef or mutton)
C for 'th highlanders	(Seaforth Highlanders)
D for 'ential	(deferential)
E for Adam	(Eve or Adam)
F for 'vescence	(effervescence)
G for police	(Chief of police)
H for respect; or H 'fore beauty	(age for respect) (age before beauty)
I for Novello; or Ivor you or me	(Ivor Novello) (Either you or me)
J for oranges	(Jaffa oranges)
K for 'ancis; or K for undressing	(Kay Francis), or (K for undressing)
L for leather	(Hell for leather)
M for 'sis	(emphasis)
N for 'adig	(in for a dig, or infradig)
O for the garden wall	(over the garden wall)
P for a penny	(pee for a penny)
Q for a song; or Q for billiards	(cue for a song), (cue for billiards)
R for mo'	(half a mo' - ment)
S for you	(it's for you)
T for two	(tea for two)
U for films; or U for mism	(UFA films) (Euphemism)
V for La France	(Vive La France)
W for quits	(double you for quits)
X for breakfast	(eggs for breakfast)
Y for Gawd's sake	(why, for God's sake)
Z for breezes; or Z for 'is 'hat	(zephyr breezes) (His head for his hat)

See also: Cockney alphabet, which says:
The Cockney alphabet, also known as the Surrealist alphabet is a humorous recital of the alphabet, parodying the way the alphabet is taught to small children. The humour comes from forming unexpected words and phrases from the names of the various letters of the alphabet. In the 1930s, the comedy double act Clapham and Dwyer recorded the ... version {listed above}.
I grew up associating it with Arthur Askey or Ted Ray, English comedians.