by Col. Stoopnagle
Wordplay is a long and venerable tradition in my family, continuing into the present generation.My father had a book called The Pee Little Thrigs by Colonel Stoopnagle, which included the story from which the title of this Blog is taken (more of that another day). I used to delight in reading it.
The items below were written by Stoopnagle (more about him some other time). They are offered as a tribute to my late Father and late brother-in-law, Peter.
| ALTARCATION | Left at the church |
| AMBIDEXTROSE | Being able to buy either granulated or lump sugar |
| ANNIVERSORRY | The wedding date you should have remembered, but didn't |
| ARCTICULATION | Eskimo as she should be spoke |
| ARRESTOCRAT | Police chief with a social background |
| BAAZAAR | A sheep fair |
| BARETENDER | He mixes drinks in a nudist colony |
| BENNYFIT | Jack [Benny], doing a show for charity |
| BIGLOO | A deluxe Eskimo dwelling |
| BOTHTUB | A place for bathing twins |
| BRAYN | What a donkey thinks with |
| BREADUCATION | Learning to become a baker |
| BROOMATISM | Pain sweeping down your leg |
| CAN'TCHOVIES | When you are unable to eat them |
| CELLOFEIGN | An imaginary transparent wrapper |
| CHAMPAGNEZEE | A gent who makes a monkey of himself in night clubs |
| CHEWELRY | Gold teeth |
| CHAIRUB | An angel sitting down |
| CIGARETIQUETTE | Not dropping ashes on the floor |
| CLARINOT | A guy who doesn't play the clarinet |
| CONCUBEEN | An old concubine |
| CUCUMBERSOME | A hefty pickle |
| DADPOLE | A papa polliwog |
| DAPPERITION | Ghost with a top hat, white tie and tails |
| DIMOCRACY | The U.S.A. during a blackout |
| DISAPPEARAMID | Mirage on the Sahara desert |
| DRABBIT | A dull brown bunny |
| DWHARF | An undersized pier |
| EGGOTIST | A self-centered hen |
| FARMERCY | A drugstore for agriculturists |
| FLATLAS | A map of the world before Columbus |
| FOETOGRAPH | A picture of the enemy |
| FRANTIQUE | Just crazy about old things |
| GHOSTOFFICE | Where the dead letters are buried |
| GRASSIERE | A Hawaiian undergarment |
| GRUMLIN | A grim and gloomy gremlin |
| HEALICOPTER | One the doctor flies around in |
| HELLOCUTIONIST | A telephone operator |
| HINDUITION | Gandhi's instinctive insight |
| HOGMENTED | An increase in the pig family |
| HYMNPROVEMENT | Better singing in church |
| IDOLEYES | Frank Sinatra's |
| IDON'TICAL | Two things that don't look alike |
| IMMEDIATRICIAN | Doctor who wants to operate right away |
| IMMURAL | A lewd picture on a wall |
| INFIZZABLE | What the bubbles are when a drink's flat |
| JUMBEAU | A lady elephant's sweetheart |
| KNOCKTET | Eight woodpeckers |
| KNOCKTURNAL | Somebody at the door at midnight |
| LACKOMOTIVE | A train without an engine |
| LACKSIMILE | Something that doesn't look like anything |
| LAUGHTERMATH | When Fred Allen's show is over |
| MA'AMOTH | A great big lady elephant of long ago |
| MAJAMAS | What mother wears at night |
| MALTIMILLIONAIRE | A wealthy brewer |
| MANOKLEPTIAC | A guy who backs into department stores, puts stuff on the counter and runs like anything |
| MC CANICK | An Irish machine operator |
| MENUFACTURER | Guy who prints the bills of fare |
| MEWSICIAN | Kitten on the keys |
| MINNIE-ATURE | What Mickey Mouse carries in the back of his watch |
| NAYBOR | The guy next door who'll never let you borrow the lawn mower |
| NEARLOUGH | Same as a furlough, but you don't go so fur |
| NETIQUETTE | Emily Post on tennis |
| NEWSPEPPER | Hot off the press |
| OINKMENT | Salve for a sick pig |
| O-LIMP-IAN | Greek runner with a Charley horse |
| OPERATUNITY | Metropolitan audition |
| OWTING | Picnic under a wasps' nest |
| PADDLESCENTS | Kids in a canoe |
| PASS'EMIST | Guy who thinks he'll never get by that line of traffic |
| PEDALGOGUE | A Latin teacher on a bicycle |
| PINSTITUTE | A bowling emporium |
| POORTRAIT | A picture of you that you don't like |
| PORCUPRONE | A porcupine lying face down |
| POSSECAT | A cat who hunts mice with a gun |
| PRAYDIO | What we listen to on Sunday morning |
| PROFISHIONAL | Man who catches herring for a living |
| PURRGATORY | Where naughty little kittens go |
| REFRIGERAIDER | A midnight marauder |
| ROAMEO | A vagabond lover |
| ROUGHEREE | A football umpire who's hard on the players |
| SAPARATION | Taking the maple syrup from the maple |
| SCISSORO | A Roman orator known for his shear wisdom |
| SHEDACHE | Aspirin |
| SIRCUMFERENCE | Distance around a man's middle |
| SNUBURB | Outlying district where the snooty bluebloods live |
| SOWND | Noise made by a lady pig |
| SPITCHER | A tobacco-chewing baseball hurler |
| SPLITIGATION | The proceeds of a lawsuit divided between the lawyers |
| SUBOURBONITE | A tipsy commuter |
| SWIGWAM | A tepee with a bar |
| TELLERPHONE | To give a bank clerk a ring |
| TOYLET | Bathroom in a dollhouse |
| TROUTLAW | A guy who fishes forbidden waters |
| WAGABOND | A wandering puppy |
| WEERIE | A tired ghost |
| WHIRMAID | An up-to-date mermaid equipped with a propeller |
| WHOPPERWILL | A great big night bird |
| WOBBLYGATO | A decrepit old violinist |
| WRENOVATION | Overhauling the little birdhouse for the new spring occupant |
| YESTIMATE | To calculate the number of affirmative votes |
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